How to Eat at a Breastaurant Without Being Creepy (2022)

Yeah yeah, we know—you're there for "the wings."

Dan Solomon

Men, here are some things you enjoy: Hamburgers! Beer! Televised sports! Chicken wings! Boobs!

Even making allowances for our vegetarian, straight-edge, and/or gay brothers, the odds are good that at least some of the things on that list would trigger the pleasure-centers of most fellas’ brains (not to mention loins). So what happens when you take all of them, roll ‘em together, and open up a business that is essentially a monument to the base desires of men?

You end up with a breastaurant—that is, a restaurant where breasts are critical component, such as Twin Peaks, Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill, Tilted Kilt, Show-Me’s, Bone Daddy’s, or the OG of the game, Hooters.

There’s something a little weird about going to a restaurant where the entire point is that you’re allowed to leer at your waitress, whose uniform is designed to strategically emphasize her boobs, as she brings you fried things to consume while you watch the game.

But if you’re curious about this shockingly successful business model, or if you’re going to get dragged to one by your lecherous cousin for three hours on Sunday afternoon, there are ways to patronize these establishments without being a total creep. Click through the story to find out how.

  • Men, here are some things you enjoy: Hamburgers! Beer! Televised sports! Chicken wings! Boobs!Even making allowances for our vegetarian, straight-edge, and/or gay brothers, the odds are good that at least some of the things on that list would trigger the pleasure-centers of most fellas’ brains (not to mention loins). So what happens when you take all of them, roll ‘em together, and open up a business that is essentially a monument to the base desires of men?You end up with a breastaurant—that is, a restaurant where breasts are critical component, such as Twin Peaks, Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill, Tilted Kilt, Show-Me’s, Bone Daddy’s, or the OG of the game, Hooters.There’s something a little weird about going to a restaurant where the entire point is that you’re allowed to leer at your waitress, whose uniform is designed to strategically emphasize her boobs, as she brings you fried things to consume while you watch the game.But if you’re curious about this shockingly successful business model, or if you’re going to get dragged to one by your lecherous cousin for three hours on Sunday afternoon, there are ways to patronize these establishments without being a total creep. Click through the story to find out how.

  • 1. Make eye contact when you talk to her.

    There’s a weird moment waiting to happen when you are greeted by your server at a breastaurant, especially when it’s one whose uniform is especially egregious and underwear-like, such as the ones at Twin Peaks or Tilted Kilt (which make Hooters look like a family restaurant by comparison). One of the most basic rules of society is called into question: You know that it is inappropriate and creepy to stare at a woman's boobs, but if that woman works at a restaurant whose entire raison d'être is dressing women in uniforms that show off said boobs, does that change things? And the answer is: kinda, but not really. Yes, your server is definitely used to her customers checking her out constantly and asking her tits for an extra napkin to go with the saucy wings. But just because she has come to expect that doesn’t mean that she won’t appreciate a little eye contact. And wouldn’t you rather be the dude who stood out from the pack of neanderthals at the bar?

  • 2. Talk to her like she’s a human being who is wearing an outfit, not a fantasy come to life.

    Most of the servers who work in the breastaurant business are good at their jobs, which means that they know what it is they’re selling. The menu at a place like Twin Peaks is full of come-ons like, “Hey handsome, eat some fried pickles,” or whatever their marketing team has determined is the appropriate sexy talk. And the server is aware that for some of her customers, having a pretty girl bring them fried stuff is the highlight of their week/month/year, so she’s playing her part – which includes chatting and making conversation with her customers. “The only part that’s weird is you wearing that [uniform] while everybody else is in normal clothes,” explains Whitney, a bartender at Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill. Try to mitigate that weirdness for her by talking to her like she has a life that involves her wearing, like, sweaters and stuff sometimes. “Do those shorts chafe?” is a creepy question. “Are you a Steelers fan?” or “What are you studying?” are not.

  • 3. Go ahead and watch the TV.

    Lesley is a woman who is a regular at Bikinis in Austin during the football season, and she’s cool with hanging out at a breastaurant because they show every Steelers game. “It probably took me an entire game, the first time I was there, to feel completely comfortable with [the uniforms],” she says, “But the thing is that when I go, during the games, no one is paying any attention—as long as the bikini is black and/or yellow.” Don’t stress out too much about the breasty aspects of the breastaurant, and instead focus on the sports and drinking side of things. If you have a hard time not feeling weird about the waitress in the skimpy outfit, the game can be a handy distraction when you feel your eyes wandering in ways that you are not proud of.

  • 4. Recognize who “that guy” is and do not be him.

    According to Whitney at Bikinis, somebody acting inappropriately is a pretty regular occurrence in the breastaurant business—getting handsy is rare, but dudes like to talk. “Especially after someone gets a couple drinks in them, they think it’s funny,” Whitney says. “I have a high tolerance for stuff like that, but I understand why people get kind of upset.” There is an unwritten pact that you enter when you walk into a breastaurant: "I will not act like an animal, even though this plays into all of my most base, animalist desires." Play it cool and hold your tongue when you get the urge to respond verbally to the stimulus at hand. Don't treat it like a strip club, where throwing around money might get you a little something special, and don't holler at your server as if she is any easier to pick up than any other waitress you've tried and failed to pick up in the past. The smart breastaurantgoers recognize that eating spicy wings and seeing boobs are privileges of democracy, and it's on you to not be the guy who spoils it for everyone else.

  • 5. Tip well.

    This one should go without saying, but we’ll say it anyway: Your server, in addition to running back and forth between your table and the kitchen in an outfit that may well include high heels, also has to deal with dudes who are psyched to be “that guy,” the potential judgment of her friends and family for her line of work, and the fact that she’s probably freezing, too. She is doing this for a reason, which is that it pays well. “I make enough money to do what I want, and I only work 30 hours a week,” Whitney says. Showing up every day in a bathing suit/super tight t-shirt/basically lingerie is her end of the bargain; tipping well is yours, so live up to it.

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  • How to,
  • breastaurants

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